Drowning

Sometimes I really just don’t understand. “Understand what?” you may ask. ANYTHING. Seriously. I mean, there are some really awesome parts to life, elements of creation that make the heart skip a beat and flood the soul with hope. BUT…there is more. Such is the fate of every human who will dare to be real. Brokenness is so all-encompassing when it overtakes you like a tidal wave…You see it rising up behind you and, suddenly, before you have a chance to take a deep breath, a deep breath that would have been able to sustain you through the immersion, the water crashes over you in a flood of seeming chaos and nonsense…And you’re drowning. You don’t know which way is up, and you can’t breathe…Oh, to be able to breathe! You open your mouth to call out for help, searching for that Rescuer, and more of that deadly water fills your lungs. It makes you think that you shouldn’t have searched for that Someone in the first place. But then, you know that’s nonsense. (Ok, I might as well just switch to the first person, because I’m sure it’s apparent to all who I’m talking about here). Everything feels…destroyed, broken…disposable, really. And then I wash up on shore, and there is nothing left to do but…what? Get up? Go back in the water? And I have just one question… “Where is the Lifeguard?” It’s not the fact that the wave came – it’s the ocean, waves are to be expected. Tidal waves are a normal occurrence, and should be no surprise to people in the water. But what about that Lifeguard? It’s when the tough times come (and they certainly will in this fallen world) isn’t that Lifeguard supposed to save those drowning swimmers? I mean, it’s easy to blame yourself (back to second person!) and say “I should have known how to swim”, but only the non-swimmers need a lifeguard! If I can’t swim, can’t DO IT RIGHT, isn’t that all the more reason for the Lifeguard to make His presence known?
Hmm…Just some frustration there. It’s funny how life can be so dualistic…You can be dying in one part of yourself, and having something totally different going on in another segment of your soul (segmented soul?). Let’s end this on a good note…Happy thoughts! Let’s see – I’m seeing that there are some kindred spirits out there in the world in the least expected places, so that’s pretty sweet. And I got to dress up as Queen Susan from Narnia for Halloween. (Hey, it’s the little things in life!) Ok. Shesh. (That means “finished” in Bangla). For now.