Hope

Something is happening to me, and it thrills me. I am breaking. Yes, breaking. Breaking is generally heralded as a good thing, but I must attest that it is. It nearly brings me to tears to think about the voice of truth and the rhythms of joy that pierce my heart from time to time...

This is strange, in a way, for the last couple months have been heartbreaking. Every possible doubt, (both in self and in God) as well as every hell-bent emotion, has been eating away at my soul, eroding all the hope that was planted there in prior months. Broken relationships thrust me into an awful abyss of despair, and my every thought was consumed with longing...Longing for what had been, longing for restoration, longing for renewal. Those continue to be the longings. It's an awful feeling to know that the thing you so long for is so close and yet just impossibly out of reach...How's that for ambiguous? Ha! All that to say this: Hope is still breaking through. I don't understand, and I still feel as though I know nothing about this universe and that cosmic dance we call salvation. The dreams, the hopes, the vision that was put in me is still there, not to be quenched. Broken? Oh yes. Torn, weary, and tear-stained? You better believe it... But still, I yearn to be chosen of God, a singer of the un-sung songs...

"Joyful, joyful, we adore thee, God of glory, Lord of love. Hearts unfold like flowers before thee, opening to the sky above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness, drive the dark of doubt away. Giver of immortal gladness, fill me with the light of day."