The newest spiritual discipline and accompanying tangents...

I watched a movie tonight. The name of it is not important; in fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that the conclusions I came to had more to do with the state of my soul than with the content of the movie itself. Though it was not advertised as such, this was a movie about grief. It really was. And of course, it started me on a tangent in my head. (Have you ever noticed that movie-watching can be a sort of spiritual discipline, if done in moderation? Seriously, God can speak through film, both because of the viewer's induced state of emotional vulnerability as well as the various perspectives offered.) ANYWAY...this movie was about grief. There was one line in particular that caught my attention, spoken by the movie's most bitter character. It was this: "Grief is messy. It makes you do things that you regret." Simple, you say? No, not really. I would even venture to add to this: Grief is messy, whether you face it or not, and it makes you do things that you regret, whether or not you admit you're broken.Sometimes it's easy to assume that if we ignore the impossibly obvious fact that we're broken, the effects of grief and brokenness won't touch us. I imagine it as being like a bloody battlefield. Thousands of soldiers are walking around, dazed and bloody, bruised and torn apart. They need help. But all of them are walking around, pushing away all the nurses, stupidly saying to no one in particular, "I'm fine! I'm not hurt! Leave me alone!" Real brilliant. But how is this different than reality? When I look at the situation for what it is, I have to ask the question, "Is there really a question as to the brokenness and woundedness of every human being?" Sure, perhaps there is a question of degree, but even that is relative. Try telling a five-year-old that the broken toy is not a big deal. To that little heart, the grief is as strong as anyone's. The conclusion is this: It is impossible to be born on this planet without suffering to some extent. Everyone has grief. So, what's the big deal? Well, grief causes people to do things they regret. In our hurt, in our woundedness, we must make choices. One choice is to self-medicate. Pick your drug of choice, for it can be just about anything. You can NUMB yourself to the point of not feeling the pain, the grief that accompanies every human life. Whether it's an untimely death, a vocational disappointment, or merely a broken toy, it causes grief, and different people choose different things to self-medicate with. Others build walls; they deny the hurt, but subconsciously make sure that no more hurt can touch them. It is funny that the people who deny pain and hurt the strongest are oftentimes the ones with the most impenetrable defences. Some people choose to both self-medicate AND build walls. One more interesting thing. This grief and the accompanying regrets will touch a person WHETHER OR NOT the brokenness is recognized. Ignoring it does nothing. So, what is to be done? Good question. I need to think about that part for a while...=)