Ah yes, there is much on my heart tonight. This evening I went to church. Now, this is not an unusual occurrence; in fact, I sometimes feel like I spend more time in church than out of it. No complaints, just an observation. I AM going into ministry, after all…Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, tonight I went to church. A couple friends and I went to this big ol’ megachurch deal in the eastern part of the state. Speaking honestly, I was not really expecting much. Arrogantly supposing myself to be some sort of quasi-expert on churches, I figured the message would be shallow and passé (albeit entertaining), aimed at the masses of surface-level Christians – all in the name of being seeker sensitive. Ha! Suffice it to say that I was wrong, and my pride took a bit of a plunge, which is always a good thing. It’s always good when judgmental and pretentious attitudes are exposed – but it sure does sting!
ANYWAY, the dude up front (and by this I mean the pastor) talked about the difference between external and internal purity. It really made me think. I mean, what he was saying was really nothing new, but really, SHOULD the gospel message ever be really new? So, I’m sitting in this ginormous church, sipping the worst coffee I have ever tasted in my entire life, and hearing the voice of God as if through a megaphone. Wait, let me retract that. It was actually pretty gentle, the voice, but I heard it as clearly as if some serious amps were being used.
Back to the point. External and internal purity. It is one thing to look pure and loving on the outside, but another thing entirely to actually BE pure and loving. Now, most of us have heard that before, but there’s more. Have you ever wondered why it is, exactly, that we feel the need to do this, to look good on the outside when we’re really not? Looking in, this is what I see: We try and appear to be something we are not because it is something that we can actually change. We don’t want to admit that in our core we are broken, and not only this, but we are broken in such a way that we cannot fix ourselves. In those moments late at night, lying awake in bed pondering such trivial matters as the meaning of life and the way to know the ultimate Lover, I know that this is true. I know that I cannot change my heart, and so in vain I desperately try to change myself on the outside. But God is very explicit: we cannot change our hearts on our own. WE NEED NEW HEARTS. And, awesomely enough, Jesus offers to do this. But He will not force Himself on me; it is up to me to choose that cosmic dance. He stands by me and asks, “Will you dance with me?” Yes. Yes I will.
1 comment:
sarah,
sometimes i think that you should be a writer. you always seem to say what you are thinking in an original and compelling way. thank you for your thoughts and sharing what God was speaking to you. by the way, i will be down working in Grand Rapids next week on Wed,Thur,Fri. any chance you might come visit? catch you later sister.
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